


So you can make me come that doesn't make you jesus

by orphan_account



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Caliginous Romance | Kismesis, M/M, OR IS IT, Self-cest, vague dream bubble shenanigans
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-02-15
Updated: 2012-02-14
Packaged: 2017-10-31 05:01:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,769
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/340207
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>He hadn't expected the other Karkat to be so... impressive.</p>
            </blockquote>





	So you can make me come that doesn't make you jesus

**Author's Note:**

> I was really just messing around trying to figure out how to write Karkat, but then...  
> Title is from the Tori Amos song Precious Things, concrit makes me happy, and uhhh enjoy?

 

He didn't think it would be this awkward. It was just him, right? Another body that was identical to his, and more importantly, had the exact same thing on the inside. Someone who already knew exactly how much of a failure he was. Someone whose hate for him was so obvious even he couldn't doubt it.

 

When he had imagined this – he had imagined it, there was no point in pretending otherwise inside his own think pan – he had envisioned it going something like this: through some miracle (hah) of temporal physics, he would suddenly find himself face to face with himself; ripped out from reality mid-memo, still furious with his past, present and future self. They would be alone in an empty room; it might be his old hive with the movie posters, or maybe it would look more like somewhere in the Veil, but either way there would be no danger of anyone discovering them. It was just him.

 

He might ask the other Karkat which one he was, future or past, but it wasn't important, because they would look deep into each other's ganderbulbs and see the hate there like little black spades, darker than the stares of the horrorterrors.

  
It would be almost like one of his movies, and Other Karkat would grab his wrists and push him backwards until his back hit a wall, would grab his face in a way that made the back of his head bang painfully against the concrete wall, would kiss him until his lips started bleeding. He would worry about the blood, but only for a second, because Other Karkat would remind him that _he knew, you imbecile, oh gog I hate you so much_ , and he would attempt to claw the other Karkats horns off, and Other Karkat would touch him the way Karkat touched himself, except it would be okay, everything would be okay, and after they were done the room would close in on itself and disappear, taking all the evidence with it, and Other Karkat would just kind of ... dissolve after telling him that this wasn't over, that next time he'd bring a bucket for the imperial drones, and Karkat would float in space, feeling strangely angry and happy at the same time. That was around the time he would open his eyes and go back to whatever he had been doing.

 

Thankfully no other Karkats ever brought this up in any of the memos. Karkat had thought it was because Future Karkat was even more disgustingly pathetic than he was, but now, looking at his alternate self from across the room, he could feel the horrid, mortifying doubt sneaking up on him and working its way through every part of his body.

 

He hadn't expected the other Karkat to be so... impressive. The other him was wearing a god tier outfit which made him look like a complete tool, but it also made it painfully obvious that this alternate future him was stronger than Karkat, better than Karkat. His sickles looked sharper, too. This was a Karkat who had accomplished something. He was probably a better friendleader and a better troll. He even looked a little older, more relaxed, more at ease. Maybe death did that to you.

 

In all of Karkat's fantasies, Other Him had been the one to take the lead. Whatever-they-were doing would always begin when Other Karkat charged towards him in a hate-fuelled rage, kissing Karkat like he wanted to suck the breath out of him, making it completely obvious exactly how much he despised him.

 

Other Karkat was just standing there watching him, leaning slightly against the gray walls of Karkat's old room. Now and then he let his fingers skate over the corners of one of the movie posters behind him, making sure it still stuck neatly to the wall. Karkat would’ve interpreted it as a nervous habit, if he didn’t look so much more at home than Karkat felt. There were no spades in his eyes, no hateful words, just an exasperated sigh now and then.

 

What if Other Him didn't hate him at all? Perhaps Karkat was simply too repulsive for anyone to hate, other than in that very, very platonic fashion he generally reserved for Eridan. This Karkat obviously wanted nothing to do with him, and for some reason that made Karkat feel worse than he remembered feeling in his life. His chest hurt, and his skin felt too small. He was suddenly painfully aware of how he must look to the other him, in his ill-fitting pants and sweaty turtleneck, his hair almost completely obscuring those ridiculously small horns. The other Katkat's looked much bigger.

Fuck, he was so fucking worthless even his alternate future self wanted him. He couldn't even think of a good insult to fling at him, and Other Karkat knew it, he fucking _knew_ , and he looked so smug it made Karkat want to throw up. After arguing with himself in all those memos, he thought he would be more than ready for the real thing. Or, well, the real weird dream bubble thing. The other Karkat made a sound half-way between a cough and a snort, and Karkat flinched.

 

He had never wanted to hurt himself as much as he wanted to in that moment. He just wanted to slam himself against that concrete wall, hit himself right in the face until the skin became pink and bruised, scrape his nails down his body hard enough to show off his disgusting red blood. Bite his own neck until it started bleeding. Then it occurred to him that he could.

 

Other Karkat looked almost curious when Karkat strode across the room. His eyes were white like the sky before sunrise.

«What are you looking at, asshole?» Karkat asked, grabbing himself by the shoulders and kissing him as hard as he could. Other Karkat reacted instantly, attempting to push him off, but kissing back at the same time. He reminded Karkat of a purrbeast fighting a plushie, holding it close while simultaneously trying to push pushing it away with its tiny claws. It was absolutely revolting.

 

Breaking Other Karkat's skin was, Karkat discovered, harder than he would have expected. Of course he had known that from biting and scratching himself, but he had assumed it would be easier with someone else, more like fighting imps than like those embarrassing moments when he tried to close his eyes and pretend it was someone else doing the biting and scratching.

 

It was almost completely different. Karkat was hyper-aware of the fact that he was pushed close to another troll, to Other Karkat, his mouth on Other Karkat's mouth so that he could feel him breathe quickly in and out, the warmth of his skin. They looked the same, and when he touched Other Karkat the skin and the flesh and bones beneath it felt the same way he felt to himself, and his mouth tasted the same as Karkat's, but he was also a different person, warm and real and completely fucking hateable, and the way he kissed weren't as perfect as Karkat had imagined, there were too many teeth and Karkat didn't really know what to do with the extra tongue in his mouth.

 

The way Other Karkat touched Karkat's arms and neck and shoulders were unexpected too. The angles were all wrong, and the pressure applied differently than it would've been if this was just one Karkat touching himself, and that made it feel that much better, because this was real. Well. Kind of real. Every touch of Other Karkat's hands left his skin warm, tingling with fresh sparkly hate, and it made him want to bite back harder, to make Other Karkat scream. It was weird as hell and so, so good.

 

Other Karkat grabbed his waist, digging his claws in hard enough that Karkat yelped, some instinctive part of him scrambling to get away, but Other Karkat pulled him back, turning them around so that Karkat was the one with his back against the movie poster, Other Karkat sinking down to kneel in front of him, and. Oh.Oh my gog.

 

Other him knew exactly how to open his pants quickly and efficiently, how you didn't have to painstakingly unfasten each button if you just sort of grabbed the two sides of the fabric and pulled lightly, and how to pull the pants down smoothly so that they didn't catch on his ass. He appeared to study the dark gray briefs for a second before pulling them down too, and Karkat had to try very hard not to look down to see how things were down there. Pretty wet, by the feel of it. Would Other Karkat think he was pathetic for being this turned on when they had barely done anything but a little angry making out? Probably. What if he changed his mind?   
  
Karkat suddenly realized that he had gone completely still, and gave Other Karkat's head a little push, just to show him that he was still there, still hated him more than anything or anyone.

 

«Stay still, you idiot, or I swear to god I will bite it off,» Other Karkat snarled. God, what an asshole.

 

«I'd like to see you tr- AAAHHH,» oh my fuck, holy shit, Karkat hated himself so intensely and he never, ever wanted it to stop. He was completely okay with making the most horrifically embarrassing noises if it meant that Other Karkat did the same, that creep, Karkat wasn't even touching him anymore.

 

«What the – FUCK! - is wrong with you,» he attempted, glancing down to see that Other Karkat was stroking himself inside those disgusting brown track pants.

«No, no, don't stop!»

 

«You – are the worst,» he managed to get out.

 

 

 

After, Other Karkat took off his hood and made a half-assed attempt to use it to clean Karkat up, but he left the stains on the floor.

«It'll be gone by tonight,» he said.

«Will we see each other again?» Karkat asked before he could stop himself. He was sitting against the concrete wall and Other Karkat was sitting next to him, his clothes stained with red and starting to smell. The poster had fallen down and lay crumpled in a corner. Karkat couldn't believe he had thought this guy was better than him. What a fucking loser.

«I mean, it's just - I hate you so much, hate me, I mean, all the time, and I-»

Karkat looked away.

«Fuck, nevermind.»

 

«Don't worry, fuckass,» Other Karkat replied, planting a kiss on Karkat's nose, «I hate you too.»


End file.
